Chapter 2

                                                          2

For me growing up as a child was tough. I mean it was okay till I reached 3^rd – 4^th grade…but after that my family started falling apart. Dad lost his job…I guess being an employee at a mill that went bankrupt wasn’t really the high point of his life. My Mom once told me that he tried really hard to get back on his feet and seek employment…but I guess back then Nagpur wasn’t that developed and that really limited his employment opportunities.

My Mom worked as a social worker with Help Age India…after obtaining a degree in humanities I guess she was really shaken by the plight of the geriatric population…and that made her put her soul before her stomach. Her job didn’t pay much and after pursuing social services for more than 10 years…it was really tough for her to move on to something new.

With my Dad unemployed and my Mom having an underpaid job…the family’s financial condition wasn’t really good. All this led to a lot of tension…and soon Mom & Dad started fighting.

It all started with mere arguments at the dining table when dad complained about the progressive deterioration in the quality of food. These arguments soon progressed to mom lashing out at dad as to how he could only complain and couldn’t earn a decent living. And from then on both of them would just give me one look and I would understand that it was my signal to go to my room.

On numerous occasions I would find myself leaning against the locked door of my room trying hard to decipher the words of their quarrel. They would fight for hours and hours together and although I couldn’t understand a word of what they were saying…I would wait there patiently for them to stop…I always felt like I would cry but my mom had always told me that not all bad things last forever…and so I believed. I believed that this would end…I wanted to be strong in these tough times. I would say a soft prayer asking god to bring back happiness in our lives as I fell asleep leaning against that door…the quarreling never stopped.

Well there is another day that I distinctly remember. It was December and I had just got back from school. I entered Mom and Dad’s room to tell Dad that I was back. I saw mom sitting on the bed. The room was in a mess…the mirror of the dressing table was shattered…a broken vase lay next to it…Dad’s was cupboard empty.

‘Mom…what happened?’ I said. ‘Where is Dad?’

Mom turned towards me her face was red and eyes were watery…I knew she had been crying. ‘Hi beta…come…I’ll fix you some lunch.’ She said.

‘Mom…where is dad?’ I asked again…I had seen such things in a few movies and believe me I did not like the sight of this.

‘Come here beta.’ She said, pulled me closer and hugged me. In her embrace I could feel the warmth which made me feel like everything was going to be alright…but after a while I felt a drop of her tear fall on my school shirt…she started sobbing and that made me think that perhaps I was wrong. ‘Your Dad has left us.’ She said and brought my thoughts to an unimaginable stop. After those words everything felt as if it was in turmoil. On one side was my ever so optimistic heart which told me that all bad things end some day and on the other side were my mother’s words which by themselves yelled – welcome to hell.

‘Has he gone for a vacation…no I am sure he has gone to get a job…he will come back right…it’s Christmas in a week…I am sure he’ll come home for Christmas…he will right.’ I fought the emotion of losing my father with all that I had and hoped that this was just some horrid joke they were playing on me and dad would jump out from under the bed anytime.

I looked at my mother with a million questions in my eyes and she answered them all in just one sentence. ‘We are getting a divorce…he is never coming back’ She said and with that all my hopes shattered into bits and pieces. As the emotions got the better of me I ran back to my room and curled up into a ball on my bed and cried and cried and cried. My mom knocked on the door of my room many a times but I did not feel like talking to her or anyone else…what followed was the worst Christmas ever.

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I got up the sound of birds chirping…the day had arrived…it was Christmas. I made my way to the living room. There was a note kept on the coffee table. I picked up the note…it read

‘Gone out. Will be back before lunch – Mom.’

I kept the note aside and went out in the verandah where our Christmas tree was kept. Every year we used to keep all our gifts at the foot of the tree. This year there were none. I was a little disappointed looking at the barren tree which was minimally decorated this year. But I knew that my sock wouldn’t be empty. I was sure that no matter what happens…Santa would never disappoint me.

I opened my big red sock which was placed on a pillar in the verandah…it wasn’t empty. The sock contained another note. This one was a little bigger than the earlier one I had read on the table but the handwriting was the same. I started reading it.

Rahul

You are now a big boy. I think it is time to tell you that Santa Clause does not exist. Every year your father and I used to buy you gifts and then place them in your sock after you fell asleep. I am sorry for killing your Christmas spirit son but I think it is high time that you realize that Christmas is not about the gifts…it is about the joy and happiness. There are many kids out there who don’t even have good clothes to wear…so this Christmas I want you to spread joy and bring some happiness in their lives. It is now time for you to be their Santa. I would really like it if you gifted some of your old toys to such children. Think about it and when I come back I hope you have enough toys to donate.

Merry Christmas Son

Mom

Think??? She wanted me to think about it…how the heck could I think about it? Firstly she had just told me that a fat bearded man in red overalls who had been my major source of happiness on this very day since times immemorial did not exist. Dealing with that was tough…but still I could manage it. But after that she wanted me to donate my toys to some random kids I didn’t even know…there she had just crossed the line. I had not received a single present this Christmas and she wanted me to give away stuff I already had. I would never do such a thing. This time I decided that I was going to hold my ground and not budge under pressure. If I wasn’t getting anything…I was certainly not giving away anything. I fixed myself a quick meal which consisted of a banana and a bowl of cornflakes and walked out into the verandah again where I sat next to the Christmas tree and ate my meal looking at view outside.

From a far corner I could hear carols being played. I have always loved Christmas carols. They are so full of energy and the very sound of them instills a feeling joy within you. I finished up my food and ran towards the gate. A cortege of kids was passing right outside my house and they seemed to be heading towards that corner where the carols were being played. I could not control my urge and I stepped out and joined the procession.

The group entered a supermarket. I had been here a lot of times with my mom when we went grocery shopping…today the shop looked completely different. It was decorated with a lot of lights, ribbons, stars…there were people posing as Santa. The ambience of that place brought the spirit of Christmas back in me.

I was strolling through the alleys of the stores looking at all the fancy items that were up for sale. Only god must have known then how badly I wanted everything that was there. I finally reached a spot where I stopped. The item on the shelf caught my attention almost instantly. It was a Cadbury Diary Milk Crackle…my favorite chocolate of all time. I just couldn’t get my eyes of it. I kept looking at it and it kept looking back at me. ‘Take me…you know I am yummy’ it seemed to say. I wanted it so bad. I looked around to see if anyone was looking at me. There was an evil streak which overtook me at that moment. After making sure that I wasn’t drawing any attention I picked up one chocolate and stuffed it down my pocket. If I can sneak out one, I could definitely sneak out another is what I thought and so after careful surveillance I lifted another one and stuffed it in my other pocket.  I casually moved towards the exit and as soon as I was out of the store I dashed back home. I felt triumphant…I welcomed this victory in my otherwise drab Christmas.

I wanted to stuff my mouth with both the chocolates but I remember that mom had said that I should spread some joy this Christmas. So I waited for her to come back home…she had had some really tough times up late and I wanted her to have one of the chocolates. Mom came back home around one o clock and I was waiting for her in the living room. As soon as she entered the living room I went up to her with both the chocolates in my hand. I offered her one.

‘Merry Christmas Mom.’ I said.

She took the bar from my hand and looked at me. ‘Where did you get these from Rahul?’ She asked.

And that is when it hit me that I had shop-lifted these chocolates and I was a thief. But then obviously I did not want her to know that…so I resorted to something I had never done before…I lied. ‘Dad had come outside…he gave them to me.’ I said.

‘Oh…Dad gave them to you; you say.’ I was pretty convinced that she had brought the lie but then out of nowhere…SLAP…SLAP…SLAP. Three slaps came thundering down on my cheek. ‘You liar…your Dad was with me this whole afternoon. Tell me…where did you get them from? Is this what I have taught you all your life…to lie to me? Haven’t I always told you never to lie…tell me where you got them from.’ Mom was raging…I had no other option but to tell her the truth.

‘I picked them up from the super market.’ I said…my head was hung low and a few tears crept up into my eyes. ‘I’m so…’ I was going to say that I was sorry but before that she started punching me on my back and swinging slaps at me.

‘You liar…you thief…I can’t believe I have given birth to you…you shameless creature. God knows who has taught you all this because it sure isn’t me. I feel ashamed of calling you my son…all my teachings have come down to this…get out of my sight.’ Her slaps did hurt but her words hurt even more.

‘Mom…I’m sorry…I’m sorry Mom.’ I said…now I was really crying my eyes out.

‘Go to your room and don’t talk to me today…and you are not getting any food.’ She said and walked off.

I returned to my room with teary eyes and two packed stolen chocolates. A strong sense of guilt overtook me. It was a feeling I had never felt before. The words of my mother were still ringing in my ears. My left cheek had gone all red and hot. I felt horrible. All my life my mother had brought me up with strong morals like honesty and being truthful…liar, thief and all those other words she used poked my soul just the way the devil pokes a man in hell. I wanted her to feel proud of me again. I wanted her to love me again…and for that I could give away anything. I took a piece of paper and wrote a note addressed to her.

Mom

I am sorry. I was just very upset that I did not get anything this Christmas and that is why I did such a thing. I will never do this again…I promise. I am really sorry. I am giving my favorite teddy bear and these chocolates to you so you can give it to the poor kids. I don’t want any of this…I just want you…and Dad.

I love you.

I took the note, the teddy bear and the chocolates to her room and kept it on her bed.  She took a look at all of it, read the note and then looked at me.

‘The food is in the fridge. Go eat something’ is all she said. I knew she did not forgive me completely then but her anger did cool down.

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That was more than twelve years ago but I still remember that day very distinctly. It was the day when I let my Mom down…but moreover it was the day when I first lied.

2.1

‘What…you missed a penalty kick?’ I said. ‘That is impossible.’

‘Yes Gaurav, I missed a penalty.’ Rahul said now seeming a little distant.

‘Hey come on…it can’t be that bad…it’s just a game.’ I said sensing that he was really feeling bad narrating of the incidence even today. I always knew Rahul had an immense passion for the sport and he was really good at it…but seeing him like this was something I had never imagined.

‘Ya…now everything just seems so immature and stupid but you know how much I love football Gaurav…every second I spent on the field meant so much to me.’ He said and took a sip from his cup. ‘Oh shit…my coffee is also finished…I think I need a refill. What about you?’

‘Rahul…tell me something. Why was your team treating you like that…I mean you were the captain right? And why was the crowd booing you?’ I asked.

‘Some shit happened man…forget it…do you want a refill or not. He said

‘No…come on dude…tell me what happened? What did you do?’ I asked…I was kinda curious to know what had happened which had evoked such a wide spread hatred for him. Rahul had always been a notorious kid who got into trouble all the time for his unconventional etiquettes and habitual lying but everyone still adored him. So I was finding this really hard to digest.

‘It’s a long story man…you will get bored.’ He said.

‘Ya you are right…I will get bored listening to my best friends story…I guess I’ll get bored at your wedding too…so I think I’ll head back home. Wish you a happy married life.’ I said and got up and started walking out. I was getting pissed with the amount of footage he was eating.

‘Arre don’t get angry bro.’ he said. ‘It’s just that it is really a long story.’

‘You know what Rahul…meri ex-girlfriend bhi itna footage nahi khati thi. What a girl man.’ I said trying to provoke him.

‘Footage nahi khati thi phir bhi chod diya…you are such a bastard.’ He said.

‘Ya…what can I do…some traits you just can’t live without.’ I said and both of us laughed. ‘But seriously…are you telling me your story or not?’

‘Okay I will…but I am still telling you it is quite long. And don’t get all judgmental on me.’

‘Ya fine. And anyway how does it matter even if it is long…we still have a lot of time till our fight takes off. Go on tell me everything.’ I said.

‘By the way…you still haven’t told me about your refill on the coffee.’ He said.

‘Forget the coffee man…let’s get some beer.’ I suggested.

‘Dude I am getting married tomorrow…marwaega mereko.’ He said.

‘Bro you are getting married…half of your life is toh over only.’ We both had a hearty laugh. We ordered our beers at the bar and came back to the poolside. ‘Proceed.’ I said.

‘Well to actually know about what happened…I have to go back in time when we were in school…to the time I lied for the very first time.’ He said and started narrating.

Chapter 1

                                                                       1.

The atmosphere around the ground was electrifying. It was the final match of the season. Our team was taking on the engineering team. A victory here would mean that we will be crowned champions. A lot of hard work had gone into reaching this position. And it was not just me but my entire team had worked really hard to reach the finals. This was probably our best performance in a long time and we were no longer the underdogs…but were a serious threat to the current champions. The score was tied and 0-0 and the match was evenly poised. We had to win the match…a draw just wouldn’t do. It was a league and currently we were 1 point behind the engineering team. The engineering team was playing a very defensive game ever since the second half started and it was pretty evident from their game play that they were taking it easy and playing for a draw.

 The ball went out and Tinu our full back restarted the game with a throw in. The ball was passed to me and I found myself in ample space to carry it forward. The opposition defenders were marking our forwards tightly making it difficult for me to find an open pass and the constant booing by the crowd was not really helping my concentration. I found Kabir lurking unmarked on the right flank and I passed the ball to him. As soon as I passed the ball the defenders attacked him like a pack of wild wolves which left the center of the field exposed along which I made the run. Kabir did well dodging the defenders for a while but there were too many of them for him to handle. I found myself in an open territory just a few meters off the goal.

‘Pass it.’ I yelled. But my words evoked no response from Kabir who was busy trying to cut through the defenders. ‘Pass it, Pass it’ I tried once more…but it didn’t work. Kabir instead tried a shot from an impossible angle and needless to say the shot was miles off-target.

I went up to Kabir and put my arm around him.

‘Dude what’s wrong with you? Why didn’t you pass the ball? Come on man we need to win this…it was an easy pass.’ I said.

‘Go fuck off you jerk…I am done with you.’ He said and shrugged my arm off his shoulder. He called for a substitution and was replaced by Subhu…the youngest and most inexperienced guy in our team.

We did not have a lot of time left so I called Subhu over who had replaced Kabir as the center forward and told him to take a shot whenever possible. I guess that was the only thing that I could think of at that time.

The ball was flying all over the field with my team taking constant shots at the goal and opposition team making long clearances of everything we shot at them. The time was almost up and there was hardly a minute or two left. I passed the ball to Subhu who was at the edge of the penalty box. Two defenders were standing in front of him and were making it impossible for him to take a shot. I took a look at the referee…he glanced at his watch and picked up his whistle and put it on his mouth. I knew the time was up and this was the last piece of play that was left of this match.

‘Subhu…SHOOT’ I yelled out of sheer desperation. I could not think of anything else.

Subhu took the shot; the ball hit the thigh of a defender and rebounded off it to reach right in front. I steadied myself and took a brief look at the target…I was just about to go for glory when I felt someone crash into me from behind. It made me lose my balance and I took a fall. The whistle was blown. I turned to the referee and saw his point to the spot.

‘Penalty.’ He said. The opposition defenders were gathering around him to tell him that it had been a mistake but he had taken the call. It was going to be a penalty kick.

I stood up and took the ball in my hand and headed for the spot. My team came running towards me and gathered around.

‘Rahul…you are not taking that penalty.’ Said Nishant – our goal keeper.

I was shocked at his statement. ‘What the hell are you talking about?’ I said. ‘No one here does this better than me.’

‘Yes, but we don’t want you to take the kick.’ He said.

‘See Nishant…I am not buying this bullshit of yours anymore. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with you all today but I am going to take this kick and win us this game. You guys have fucked it up enough.’ I said getting really agitated.

‘Fine…have it your way.’ He said and walked away with the team.

I placed the ball on the penalty spot and walked back for my run up. I saw my team walk off the field as if they weren’t interested. The crowd was at its loudest now. It was the most intimidating moment of my life. These people who had loved the way I played for all these years were the ones who were booing me. Little beads of sweat dripped down from my forehead onto my cheeks. This was it…I was one kick away for becoming a hero but it did not feel like it. There was no support…only a widespread hatred all around which made me doubt my own abilities.

‘Ready?’ asked the referee.

I just looked blankly at the ball as my mind got clouded with a mixed sense of self-doubt, anxiety and a pressure which I had never felt before.

‘D’costa are you ready?’ the referee asked again and I nodded.

He blew his whistle. I took a deep breath…made that run and took the shot. For a moment everything started moving in ultra slow motion. I saw the ball heading towards the top corner…I saw the goal keeper make his jump…and then I saw the ball skimming the top corner of the goal post and go out of play. The sounds around me seemed to disappear…a feeling of heaviness overtook me…tears crept up into my eyes…right then a part of me died.